


Jar of Secrets

by grlnxtdr29



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Non graphic description of sexual assualt, Non graphic discussion of suicide, mention or eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grlnxtdr29/pseuds/grlnxtdr29
Summary: A friend of mine told me about an assignment she once had in her Psychology class freshman year of College. She called it the Jar of Secrets. This is the Dalton Academy Version of it. Each Chapter will deal with different secret, and the ratings and trigger warning will change by chapter





	1. Prologue

"Good morning, class. Please take your seats."

Blaine sat down beside his best friend with his usual dapper smile as Ms. Rigoli addressed the Psychology class.

"Now, Mr. Hummel, I know you are new to the class, but the rest of you should remember that I mentioned at the beginning of the year that we would be working on a group assignment at some point during this semester. That point is now." She removed a large jar from under her desk and set it on a tall pedestal at the front of the class. "For the first part of this assignment, I want each of you to think about some secret in your life that no one else knows about. You will write your secret down, anonymously, on a standard size sheet of paper, then fold it in to quarters so that each sheet is identical, again to keep these secrets anonymous, and tomorrow, you will place your papers into this jar. Over the next few weeks we will randomly select some of the papers to read aloud in class, and discuss."

There were several murmurs of confusion among the well dressed young men, but the middle aged teacher just raised her hands and spoke over the babble. "I know many of you fear talking about certain aspects of your life. This assignment is a way for you to not only face your own fears by admitting them in an anonymous fashion, but also for you to see that there are others out there who have their own demons to face. Now, your secrets can be something as mundane as admitting to a fear of spiders, or they can be some thing deeply personal to you, what ever you are willing to share. The only rule is, they MUST be the truth."

There were still several mutterings about the assignment, but for the most part the boys settled down as the teacher instructed the boys to turn to chapter sixteen in their books and read until the end of the period. Blaine opened his book to the appropriate page and began reading, but after a moment noticed that Kurt was sitting almost frozen in his seat, staring at the jar.

"Hey, Kurt, what's wrong?" he whispered.

"Wha-What?" Kurt muttered, then blinked and turned to the shorter boy. "Oh, sorry, guess I just zoned out for a moment. I was thinking about something else. What page are we on?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated T for some homophobic language.

Kurt sat in front of his computer in his dorm room, staring at the blinking cursor. He'd been staring at the blank page for nearly an hour, lost in thought. Secrets were such frightening things. Some of them may seem harmless, but even those can turn around and bite you. And the big ones? Those can rip your heart out. They were called secrets for a reason.

Could he really share something so personal about himself, even under the guise of anonymity? He briefly considered wimping out and just sharing his odd phobia of Mylar balloons, but he'd promised himself that he would learn to be brave.

After a few more minutes and a deep breath, he leaned forward and began to type.

One floor up and four doors over, Blaine reread what he had just typed. Satisfied that the message was clear enough to be understood, without being too obvious, he hit print, and waited for the document to slide out of the machine to his left. Folding it carefully, he slipped it between the pages of his psychology book, then slipped in to his bed and shut off the light.

Through out the dorms, several young men were listening to the sounds of printers bringing their worst fears, and in a few cases, their worst nightmares, in to the light. Several of them went to bed with tears in their eyes.

Ms. Rigoli watched as the last boy file in, dropping their papers in to the jar, then taking their seat. This was the fifth year she had done this particular assignment, and wondered how many of the boys had actually worked up the courage to actually share a part of themselves. She smiled at the young men before her.

"Good morning, class. I hope you all thought about this assignment long and hard. I'll be reading the first paper in a few minutes, but first I wanted to ask how many of you already feel better knowing that you have unburdened yourself of these secrets?"

There was a hesitant pause, then a few hands were raised, including Blaine's and Jeff's. "Good. Would any of you like to describe how it felt to admit, even anonymously on paper, these secrets? Yes, Kyle?"

A boy with copper skin and black hair stood slowly, and looked down at his feet. "It literally felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I've had this secret for years, and never realized how much of an impact it had on me. I never really thought it was such a big deal until now."

"Thank you, Kyle. Anyone else? Ok, well I hope that more of you will find some kind of relief as we discuss our thoughts and feelings about what is revealed on these papers. Remember, you don't have to let anyone know which secret is yours. We will discuss them and each person will be allowed to offer opinions and advice in a respectful manner. Now, to make things easier, I want all of you to keep your eyes closed as I read each slip of paper. That way, the writer won't give himself away as their secret is revealed. Understood?"

There was a chorus of "Yes, Ms. Rigoli," as the boys acknowledged her.

"Ok. Eyes closed." She waited a moment, then reached into the jar, stirring the papers up before drawing one out. The boys could hear the rasp of the paper being unfolded. After a moment, she read;

I think I might be gay. I know I would be accepted here if I came out, but my parents are very strict and are very homophobic. I know if I came out, they would disown me and kick me out. When I even just mentioned that one of my friends here was gay, my father shouted at me and told me that I should stay away from that F*ing Fag, that they were an abomination and that he didn't want me exposed to those types of creatures.

There was silence for a few moments, and then the boys slowly began to open their eyes. Ms. Rigoli waited until all eyes were on her before she spoke. "First of all, yes, Dalton Academy does have a zero tolerance policy for Bullying, and I am proud of the fact that most of you young men are so accepting of those members of the LGBTQ community here at the school. Now, do any of you wish to make a comment?"

Not surprisingly, Blaine was the first to raise his hand, Ms. Rigoli smiled and nodded to him. Standing, he smiled and cleared his throat. "First off, I would like to say to whomever you are, I know exactly how terrifying coming out can be. Most of you all know my story, about my constant struggle with my father. I still hope one day he will fully accept me for who I am and that one day we will be able to have a closer relationship. But despite the fact that he doesn't completely understand me or accept my life, I am still one of the lucky ones. I still have my family, my home.

Did you know that 20% of all homeless youths are members of the LGBTQ community that were kicked out by their families? But there are places you can turn to. A google search will offer you listings of programs and shelters even here in Ohio that offer assistance to LGBTQ youths. And I hope, who ever you are, you know you can always come talk to me about anything."

He sat down again, and Kurt reached over to pat his arm reassuringly.

"Thank you, Mr. Anderson. That was very well stated. Does anyone else have anything to offer?"

After a brief hesitation, David raised his hand. Ms. Rigoli gave him an encouraging smile. He stood slowly. "I just wanted to say, that who ever the person is, if they do decide to come out, and their parents do kick them out, my family is more than willing to help out in any way. We have plenty of room in our house if you need a place to stay. And if you are worried about remaining here at Dalton, my dad is on the board of directors. He can make arrangements so that you won't have to leave this safe environment. My family is very friendly and accepting of everyone. My Nana grew up in the fifties and sixties. She marched for civil rights. She says that she marched for everyone to be accepted, not just people of color. So, like Blaine said, you can come talk to me any time. No one will Judge you."

Ms. Rigoli smiled proudly out at her students. "Thank you, boys. One day, hopefully soon, the world will be much more accepting of everyone, regardless of what they look like, who they love, or what they believe in. And I truly believe that you boys, all of you in this room, in this school, will be part of making that happen. I'll see you all tomorrow."

That evening, Kurt was sitting on Blaine's bed, helping the younger boy with his French conjugations, when a knock sounded on the door. He shrugged t the pale boy, then went to answer.

"Hey, Hi! What's up?"

"Um, hey, I hope I'm not bothering you, but I was kind of hoping we could talk."

Blaine smiled welcomingly at the tall blond boy. "Sure, no problem, come on in."

Kurt began to stand. "Do you want me to leave? I can come back later?"

Jeff hesitated, but shook his head no. "You can stay. I don't mind."

Blaine closed the door behind his fellow Warbler, and then smiled. "So, how can we help you?"

Jeff sighed heavily and spoke softly. "I think I may be gay..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for Eating Disorders. Rated T

Kurt finished his yogurt and started on his bowl of mixed fruit the next morning at breakfast. Blaine set his tray down beside the countertenor, trying to stifle a yawn. The two had been up late talking to Jeff, having invited David, Wes, and Jeff's friend and roommate, Nick to join them. It was after ten o'clock by the time the others had returned to their rooms for curfew, and Blaine had still had to finish his conjugations alone.

"You eat like a bird, Kurt. Has anyone told you that?" The pale boy just shrugged and ate the last slice of strawberry.

"I've always been something of a health nut. I guess I've just been more conscious of what I eat ever since my Dad's heart attack earlier this year. There's nothing wrong with skipping a few calories now and then, as long as I'm not healthy."

Blaine frowned in concern, but didn't say anything more as he began to eat his cheese omelet. After a few bites, he yawned again. "Damn, I gotta stop doing that. Reminding me to grab a coffee before we leave. The line was kind of long and I was too hungry to wait."

Kurt smirked at his friend. "How long did you spend on those french verbs after I left?"

"A couple hours. I'm pretty sure I messed up a couple of them. It was a little after midnight by the time I got to bed."

"It was worth it, though. To help a friend. Jeff seemed to feel much better after our chat, and I'm glad David's dad is going to go with him when he tells his parents. I called my Dad too, this morning. He said that he's willing to go along as well if they want."

"Your Dad is awesome, Kurt. I'm sure Jeff will appreciate the moral support."

Jeff joined them a moment later, carrying a drink holder with several cups of coffee. "Hi guys. I just wanted to say thank you for talking with me last night. I really appreciated it. Here, I got you each a coffee to repay you all."

"Thanks, Jeff! You know you didn't have to do that!" Blaine accepted his medium drip.

"By the way, Jeff, my Dad said you can talk to him anytime you want, too. He's a pretty cool guy. And if you want him to go visit your family with you and David's dad, he's more than willing.

"Thanks Kurt. Blaine told me all about your dad. I think I would like to talk to him some time." He set a grande non fat mocha in front of the pale boy.

David slipped into the seat on Kurt's other side. "Wonder what today's slip from the Jar of Secrets will be about?" He asked, helping himself to a slice of toast from Blaine's tray.

"Good question." Kurt sighed.

"Only one way to find out. See you all in Psychology later." Blaine finished the last bite of his omelet, grabbed up his book bag and coffee, and returned the tray to the kitchen window.

Ms. Rigoli looked out at the boys, sitting patiently with their eyes closed as she reached into the jar and drew out another slip of paper.

When I was ten, I was diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia. I spent almost two years in the hospital, and almost died on three separate occasions before I started to get better. I still sometimes have trouble eating. I want to be better, but sometimes I just can't make myself swallow the food my body needs.

"So, who would like to start this conversation? Yes, Mr. Hummel?"

Kurt stood and spoke, his voice clear and steady. "As someone who follows fashion religiously, I'm well aware of what society deems the so called 'Perfect' body type to be. Pencil thin models grace the cover of every magazine. And it's not just women, but males too. They try to convince us that we have to starve ourselves to be beautiful, but the truth is it shouldn't matter what convention says. As was pointed out to me earlier today, I eat like a bird. I'm not trying to starve myself. I just want to be healthy. And certain foods have been proven to help with various medical issues such as heart disease, certain cancers, strokes, and even mental health disorders. Eating shouldn't be about trying to be thin, it should be about being the best, healthiest you that you can be." He grinned a little before continuing. "Besides, eating healthy foods in the right proportions promote healthier skin, and we all know how much I'm in to skin care."

There were a few laughs and smiles at this last comment. Kurt sat down gracefully. Another boy raised his hand.

"I agree that eating healthier is good for everyone, but aren't eating disorders considered mental health issues? Is it enough to tell someone that they just need to eat healthier? Isn't that kind of like telling a manic depressive to just cheer up? No offense, Kurt, I'm just thinking that maybe we need to change what society deems as the acceptable norm, not just placating the symptoms."

Kurt acknowledged the other boy. "That is true, and if I made it sound like I was trivializing anything, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I truly believe that inner beauty is more important than what we look like on the outside. My best friend Mercedes is a plus sized goddess, and she radiates with the beauty in her heart. I've known many people who were beautiful on the outside, but were some of the ugliest people on the inside. If we look for the beauty within each of us, then the outside shouldn't matter. We each just need to find it inside ourselves."

Blaine nodded. "And maybe we need to remind each other of that now and then until we all believe it's true, and we can focus more on being healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally."

Ms. Rigoli cleared her throat to get their attention. "That is a good idea, Blaine. Have any of you heard of Project Beautiful? It's part of an anti bullying campaign where people post pictures of themselves that point out all their physical flaws, real and perceived, and claim their inner beauty. One of the photographers who started the campaign is going to be in Columbus in a couple of weeks, looking for volunteers to pose for the next round of pictures. Maybe some of our Dalton boys will pluck up their courage and go down and volunteer."

Several of the boys volunteered, as the bell rang announcing the end of class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be darker, and will have an M rating.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of personal to me. This is MY secret. The events actually happened to me. I'm setting the rating for this one to M for domestic violence, verbal abuse, and language.

The Boys sat silently, eyes closed, and listened to the rustle of the papers as another slip was chosen. A moment of silence, and then Ms. Rigoli began to read.

My father was an alcoholic. Shortly before my seventh birthday, he came home drunk one night as my Mother, brother, and I were sitting down to dinner. He went to the rack on the wall where he kept his shotgun. He took it down, and set it one the dining room table and said he would blow the F*ing head off the first person to move. He'd always been verbally abusive towards my mother, but until that night he had never been physically violent. My Mother got my brother and I out of the house, but not before he hit her.

The silence after the reading was longer than the previous times. All the boys sat there numb from the violent confession. Even Ms. Rigoli seemed a little shocked. After several moments, she cleared her throat. "Um, well, does anyone have anything to say?"

For a moment, no one moved, then a hand in the back was raised. Daniel, one of the shier students stood. "My father was an alcoholic, too. One night shortly before my little sister was born, he got busted for drunk driving. That was a wake up call for him. He sobered up, joined AA, and hasn't touched a drop since. But the thing is, addiction can be hereditary. There is a good chance that if I'm not careful, I could become an alcoholic as well, which is why I signed a pledge card that says I won't drink alcohol until I am at least twenty one, and that I won't drink in excess.

Alcoholism and domestic violence are often linked. I don't know who this person is, but I hope for your sake, that if you haven't already, you can speak to a therapist about this, or at least confide in someone who can help you get through this."

As Daniel sat down, Kurt raised his hand. "I've seen those pledge cards before. My friends at my old school were telling me that they are having alcohol awareness week, and they passed out the pledge cards during an assembly. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have something similar here at Dalton. The Warblers could perform a song, and we can pass out the cards. Maybe we can also have people come in and give presentations about not only the affects of alcohol on the body, but how it affects our behaviors. Maybe have people come in and talk about how to recognize the signs of domestic violence or abuse."

Ms. Rigoli smiled. "That is an excellent idea, Mr. Hummel. Shall we spend the rest of the class discussing a proposal for the school board?"

The boys agreed eagerly, and by the end of class, they had not only drafted an outline, but also formed a committee to present it to the school board at the next meeting, which would take place the following week. David, Kurt, Daniel, Kyle, and another boy named William were to the committee members who would address the school board. Jeff and Blaine were assigned to design banners and posters to hang in the halls of the school. David and Blaine were also nominated to address the Warbler council about performing at an assembly if the school board agreed.

When the bell rang at the end of the class, the boys were still discussing ideas. Kurt was one of the last to leave the classroom, along with a tall fair haired boy who hadn't spoken much during the class. Kurt smiled kindly at him.

"Your name is Chris, isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm still trying to learn everyone's names."

"Yeah, Chris Roberts." He shook the hand Kurt offered him.

"You're mom drives a Mazda3 hatchback, doesn't she? I saw the two of you at my Dad's garage a few months ago. I remember because she flinched when one of the guys dropped a wrench and looked so scared when he started yelling at one of the other guys. And that scar? The one along her jaw? She shouldn't try and hide it. People should never hide their scars. Scars mean you survived."

Kurt smiled at the other boy, and turned to leave. Chris watched him go, and after a shaky breath, allowed himself to smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T just because. This time one of our two favorite boys is going to have his secret revealed. Who will it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this story, the party at Rachel's never happened.

Blaine sat in his usual seat beside Kurt as the rest of the class filed in to the room on Friday. He smiled at the pale boy, who seemed to be lost in thought again. "Hey, what's up? Everything ok?"

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about this assignment. Yesterday's secret was kind of intense. It makes me wonder what else is in that jar."

Blaine started to reply, but Ms. Rigoli took that moment to call the class to order. "Ok, before we draw another slip, I have here a sign up sheet for anyone who would like to attend the Project Beautiful photo shoot next week in Columbus. I'll pass out permission slips for your parents to sign for those who wish to go."

She passed the paper to David, who signed his name before passing it on. As the paper made it's way around the room, Blaine noticed that nearly every boy in the class had signed up. Once everyone had had a chance to add their name if they wanted, the paper was returned to the teacher. She beamed in pride to see so many signatures. "Ok, then, shall we delve into our Jar of Secrets?"

I have difficulty displaying my emotions...

Oh god! Blaine thought. This is my secret! How do I react once she finishes reading it? How will HE react? Will he know it's me?

Some times I over react, and people think I tend to be goofy or strange. Sometimes I hide my emotions so well, people think I'm oblivious. Recently I met someone who I think I might care for, but I am too afraid to let them know how I feel, because I don't know how to show it. It doesn't help that I don't know how they feel about me, either. If I knew, then maybe I could figure out how to show what I feel by the way they act.

When the words stopped, Blaine tried to act as normal as he could, taking a deep breath before opening his eyes.

"Well, this should be an interesting discussion. Who would like to go first?"

The boys all looked around the class, waiting to see who would raise their hand. Finally, Kurt put his hand slowly in the air. "I think we're all at that age where we aren't completely comfortable showing our true emotions. And given the fact that we're all boys, I think it's a given fact that some of us may never be able to express ourselves. Didn't we just read last week in our book that studies show that males tend to have more difficulty handling their emotions than females? Granted, I've been known to be reduced to sobs over sappy greeting card commercials, but even I have been known to be a bit oblivious. I'm pretty sure that most of us have been at one time or another since hitting puberty. Well, You've all hit puberty at least. Perhaps someday Mother Nature will remember me and finally take away this Mickey Mouse Voice."

After the laughs died down, another boy spoke. Blaine remembered that his name was Patrick. "My girlfriend is always telling me that I'm oblivious. I had to look up the definition the first time she said it. My mom says that my dad is still rather dim witted when it comes to emotions."

Kurt nodded and continued. "I still have difficulty speaking my emotions, but over the past year, I've found that if I find the right song, I can sing what I am feeling. Perhaps if this person can't say what they are feeling, they can try expressing it in a different way. Draw a Picture, or write a poem. Or sing it, if they can."

.

.

.

"Hi Mercedes! How was the assembly?" Kurt asked as he lay back on his bed, phone to his ear.

"Trust me, white boy, you don't wanna know." He could hear her settling in on her bed as well as she talked.

"Why, what happened?"

"You remember that sleep over at Finn's last summer before he moved in with you guys? The horror movie marathon he made us watch? Remember the one about the girl that was possessed by a demon, who spewed split pea soup all over?"

"The Exorcist?" Kurt offered, confused what that had to do with the assembly.

"Yeah, well, imagine that scene, then multiply it by a dozen people spewing purple colored vomit all over each other and the audience."

"What?" He listened to her retell the story of how Rachel had convinced them all that they could never really preach the evils of alcohol if they had never experienced it themselves. Their little experiment had gone horribly awry.

"Anyway, Kurt, how was your week? How is school going?"

"Pretty good. The classes are harder, but I've always been up for a mental challenge. I'm still the most fluent student in French class, though."

"What kinds of assignments are they having you do?"

"Well, actually, my Psychology class is working on this interesting assignment now. It's called the jar of secrets." He proceeded to explain the concept to her.

"So let me guess, you wrote that your secret is that you are in love with a certain crooner, but you are afraid he doesn't feel the same about you." Mercedes teased.

Kurt swallowed. "Um, actually no. I wrote something else. Something I've never told anyone. Not even you."

"What? What is it, Kurt? You know you can tell me anything. I'll never judge you."

"Mercedes, I haven't even told my dad this. If he found out, it would kill him!"

"Oh, baby, I promise I won't tell anyone! Please, talk to me. You were brave enough to write it down for that class. You can be brave enough to tell me!"

Kurt sighed, then began to talk.

.

.

.

"Hey, Kurt, are you busy?" Blaine asked later that evening.

"I was just finishing my homework for AP Calculus so I will have more time this weekend to work on that essay on the Battle of Gettysburg for history this weekend. What's up?"

"I don't want to bother you, but I was wondering if you would listen to this song I've been working on that I think we could do at regionals."

"Ok, sure. I just have three more problems to solve. I can meet you in the music room in ten minutes?"

"That'd be great, Thanks."

Ten minutes later Kurt found Blaine standing in front of the fireplace, a boom box sitting on the mantel.

"Hey, so what's this song?"

"Hi! It's something very different than what I usually sing, so I really wanted to get your opinion on it before I propose it to Wes and the council."

"Well, let's hear it then."

Blaine smiled shyly, then turned on the boom box.

There ain't no reason you and me should be alone  
Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)  
And I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight (Tonight)  
I need a man that thinks it's right when it's so wrong  
Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)  
Right on the limits where we know we both belong tonight

Kurt laughed, unable to believe that Blaine was singing a Gaga song.

It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous  
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you  
Where we can both fall far in love

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth  
Out on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge,  
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge with you.

Blaine took Kurt's hand and stared deep into the older boy's glasz eyes, willing him to understand.

Another shot before we kiss the other side  
Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)  
I'm on the edge of something final we call life tonight  
(Alright! Alright!)  
Put on your shades, 'cause I'll be dancing in the flames  
Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)  
It isn't hell if everybody knows my name tonight  
(Alright! Alright!)

It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous  
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you  
Where we can both fall far in love

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth  
Out on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge,  
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge with you.

I'm on the edge with you  
I'm on the edge with you  
(You, you, you...)

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth  
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge,  
I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you  
I'm on the edge with you (with you, with you, with you, with you, with you)

Kurt's heart was racing by the time the song ended. Did this mean what he hoped it meant? Was Blaine trying to send him some kind of message?

Blaine leaned closer, and very gently pressed his lips to the taller boy's. After the briefest of hesitations, Kurt kissed him back. Blaine sighed with relief and deepened the kiss before reluctantly pulled back. "I've been trying to find a way to tell you how I feel for a few weeks now. Ever since Christmas when we sang Baby it's Cold Out."

"And you were the one who was always telling me to have courage?"

They both laughed, then kissed again.

"Does this mean we are boyfriends now?" Kurt asked.

"I certainly hope so."

"Oh, thank Gaga."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's secret may sound a little dark, but I promise it has a good outcome. I'm going to rate this one M and post trigger warnings for non consensual sex and discussions of abortion.

Seeing the two boys sitting together at breakfast wasn't unusual. Seeing them holding hands was a pleasant surprise to many of their friends the following Monday morning. Wes and David, Jeff and Nick all sat down at the same table with the two boys.

"Well, can we confirm from this PDA, as mild as it is, that the two of you have finally taken the blinders off and confessed your undying like for each other?" Wes asked.

Kurt smirked, looking at Blaine. "Does he always talk like that?"

"Ignore them, maybe they'll go away." Blaine replied, squeezing his hand.

The other boys laughed, and jostled them good naturedly. "Should we even bother asking how your weekend was?"

"Well, Jeff, if you must know, I spent most of the day on Saturday with Kurt's family, then Saturday night we spent at Kurt's friend Mercedes' meeting as he calls them, 'his girls.' "

Kurt broke in to a fit of giggles, and Blaine smiled widely.

"What's so funny?" David asked.

"What Blaine is neglecting to mention is that Mercedes, Rachel, Tina and Quinn spent the entire night alternating between interrogating and threatening him. And then they ganged up on him and gave him a facial and a mani-pedi. He never knew what hit him."

"Well that explains the radiant glow, Blaine." Nick joked.

"It's almost time for class. We should be going. Jeff, David, do you wanna walk with us?" Blaine asked as he finished his toast.

"Sure. See you guys later!" David responded, waving good bye to Wes and Nick.

...

Ten Minutes later, the four boys entered the classroom behind Kyle, the tall Native American boy, who was talking on his cell phone.

"I gotta go, Mom, class is about to begin. Yeah, I'll remember. I'll pick it up after school. Love you too. Bye. Mom I gotta go. I won't forget."

He shut off his cell phone as he took his seat. He smiled at the Warblers as they sat near him. "My Mom seems to think I have amnesia or something. That's the fourth time since Friday she's called and reminded me I need to pick up a Birthday present for my little sister. She'll be six on Thursday."

"Aww, sweet. What are you getting her for her Birthday?" Kurt asked.

"She wants My Little Ponies, and I was going to buy her a dress, too. I just hope I can find something nice. I suck at shopping."

"Do you need help? I love shopping."

"Sure, thanks Kurt. I'll meet you in the commons after school?"

"Great. See you then."

The bell rang, but there was no sign of Ms. Rigoli. The boys continued to chat quietly as they waited. Ten minutes later, the teacher rushed in. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I had a family emergency this morning. Please forgive me."

"Is everything alright, Ma'am?" Blaine asked with concern.

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Anderson. It's nothing for you to worry about. Shall we get straight to our Jar of Secrets?"

The boys settled down, and after a moment, they all closed their eyes and heard the sound of the papers rustle.

When my Mother was sixteen years old, she was raped by her best friend's older brother. As a result, she became pregnant with me. Her family wanted her to get an abortion, but she refused. She had a difficult pregnancy, and nearly lost me at six months gestation. She was hospitalized and put on bed rest until I was born, seven weeks premature. While she was in the hospital, she met the man who I now call my Dad. He is amazing, and treats me like I am his natural son.

The boys slowly opened their eyes. "Ok, who wants to start the conversation on this one?"

Kurt raised his hand. "My friend Quinn got pregnant last year. It was consensual, but it was still pretty traumatic for her. Her dad kicked her out of the house, and it turned out that the boy she said was the father wasn't. She's catholic, so abortion was out of the question. In the end, she gave the baby up for adoption to my friend Rachel's biological Mother. Yeah, I know, the goings on at my old school sound a bit like a daytime soap opera. My point is, there are so many options out there. While I would never tell a woman she can't have an abortion, I think I would greatly encourage them to look in to other options, because obviously one of you are very lucky to be here, and I'm glad you are because all of you have been so welcoming to me here. We need more people like you guys in this world."

Kyle cleared his throat, and looked down at his desk. "I'm glad I'm here, too." He looked up when the other boys turned to look at him. He smiled softly. "Yes, that was my secret. I'm not ashamed. As I said the other day, I never really thought about it before, but once I wrote it down, I realized just how much it had affected my life. People are always commenting that I look nothing like my Dad, or that my sister and I have very little resemblance to each other. I always just shrugged it off, but I've begun to realize that it bothered me when people say things like that. But it also bothers me when people find out my mom got pregnant so young and automatically think she wanted it, or that she was a slut. My mom is amazing, she does everything she can to make sure that my sister and I succeed and that we have the chance to have the life she didn't get to have because of what happened to her."

The boys around Kyle each reached out to pat him on the back or arm, and smiled at him encouragingly. He smiled in return, thanking his friends for their support.

...

"Thanks for your help, Kurt. Mira is going to love that dress and shoes you helped me pick out. And that outfit you found for me will be perfect for my date with Lissa on Friday."

Kurt smiled as he set his six shopping bags down on the table at the food court where Blaine was going to meet him at five-thirty. "No problem. I told you, I love shopping. Do you want something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm good. My Mom should be here soon. Oh, Speak of the devil, there she is now." He smiled as the beautiful ravened haired woman approached, smiling sweetly. "Hi, Mom. This is my friend, Kurt. Kurt, this is my Mom, Nessa Tencrows."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ma'am. Kyle has told me so much about you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Kurt. Wow, Kyle, how much did you buy?" She laughed.

Kyle laughed too. "It's Kurt's fault. He's such a bargain hunter! Wait till you see what he helped me find for Sissy. She's going to love it! See you tomorrow, Kurt!"

Kurt waved as they walked off, stopping briefly as they passed Blaine. Kurt smiled as his boyfriend reached him and offered a hug. "Hi! I see the shopping trip was a success."

"It was, and I have something for you." Kurt handed him one of the smaller bags.

"Kurt, you didn't have to buy me anything."

"I wanted to. Besides, I couldn't resist when I saw it."

Blaine pulled a black bow tie with tiny yellow birds on it from the bag. "Oh my god, Kurt, it's perfect! Thank you!" The two boys sat down at the table. Blaine noticed that the fair skinned boy was staring off in to the distance. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about the discussion this morning. You know, for people like us, the only chance we have for having families of our own other than surrogacy, is adoption. I'm just thinking about how kids like Kyle could make so many couples happy beyond belief. I meant what I said earlier, about not wanting to take away a woman's choice, but so many people out there would love to have those children in their lives."

Blaine smiled at Kurt. "You're remarkable, you know. You care so much about everyone, don't you?"

Kurt smiled shyly. "My dad says I get that from my Mom."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, this will be rated M for sensitive material. Trigger warnings for sexual abuse and violence.

"Good morning, Class. I emailed permission slips to your parents regarding the trip to Columbus on Friday, since it is short notice. We'll be leaving at eight AM sharp, so please be on time. We will return by three PM. Just so you know, I will not be here tomorrow. Ms. Landis will filling in for me, so there will be no Jar of Secrets tomorrow. Instead you will do a reading assignment in class. Any questions?"

The boys just looked at her in silence. "Okay, then. Shall we draw another paper?"

I was sexually molested by a baby sitter when I was ten. I never told anyone about it. A month later, he was arrested for trying to kill another boy he had molested. If I had told someone, maybe that other boy wouldn't have suffered.

Several of the boys gasped in shock at this. So far this was probably the most shocking secret. It took a few moments before anyone volunteered to speak. Kyle was the first to raise his hand. "I think many of us are shocked to hear that a boy was molested. I don't know why that is hard to believe. I know most of the time you hear about it happening to girls," he swallowed, thinking of his mother. The other boys smiled at him encouragingly. "But it is more common than you'd think. There was a documentary a few months ago on that cable network about serial killers, and many of them molested their victims before killing them. That Boston Strangler, I think it was, most of his victims were young boys.

But regardless of gender, I think what we really should talk about is survivors guilt. I think this person feels responsible for what happened. You don't know if telling someone would have prevented what happened next. What if the guy had alluded the police and went on the run? How many other kids could he have hurt and or killed? You can't blame yourself. You were a victim, and you were scared."

"That is a good point, Kyle. A lot of times the victim is too traumatized to tell anyone, or blame themselves for what happened. I want this person to know that none of what happened is your fault. You are not to blame. I would strongly recommend that you speak to one of the counselors here, or even at the free mental health clinic in Westerville." Ms. Rigoli said.

Chris raised his hand. "Aren't there warning signs we can watch for, that might help us identify people who may have been victims, to try and get them help?"

"That is an excellent question, Mr. Roberts. You will find the answer to that in chapter twenty two of your book. You all can read that tomorrow with Ms. Landis."

...

That afternoon, those who had the first period Psychology class talked in various groups about that morning's revelation. Some of them still found it hard to believe that something like that had happened to someone they knew. Most of them agreed that they were glad they didn't know who it was, not because they thought they would think different of the person, but they thought the person would be uncomfortable that they all knew. A few said they wanted to know who it was so that they could help them get counseling.

Kurt, Blaine, David and Jeff were sitting together at a table, and by mutual agreement decided not to speculate, and talked instead of the school board meeting that would be taking place that night. David and Kurt practiced the speeches they would present in regard to the alcohol awareness week proposal they were going to make. Nick, Wes, Thad, and Trent joined them and they all went down to dinner. They updated their friends on the Psychology project, and the secrets revealed so far.

"Oh, yeah, I did that project last year." Thad said. "Sounds like you guys are taking it more seriously than some of the boys in my class. Most of the secrets in my class were of the silly phobia type. Too many of the guys chickened out on revealing anything too personal."

"Would it be rude of me to ask what secret you shared?" Wes asked.

"I shared that due health issues, I wet the bed until I was ten years old. I was on kidney dialysis due to an auto-immune disorder that caused several severe infections. A few years ago they found a medication that treats the disorder. I was one of the first human trial participants. I've been in remission for four years now."

"That's great, Thad. I never knew that about you." Wes replied.

Thad just shrugged. "It's not a big deal now. I don't mind talking about it when someone asks, but it's not really something I deliberately bring up in general conversations."

The boys not in the Psychology class spent a few minutes discussing whether they would be brave enough to share something so personal, even anonymously, and joking that Wes' secret would be that he had romantic relations with his gavel.

"So, I know what Jeff's secret was, and I'm guessing that Blaine's secret has been revealed. What about you two?" He asked Kurt and David. They glanced at each other.

"I'm not going to discuss mine until after the assignment is over," David said. "Once all the secrets are read, if no one guesses which one is mine, I'll reveal it."

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, unless someone guesses, I think I'll wait to talk about mine as well."

"Oh come on, please? You know you can tell us anything. We're your friends, we're not going to judge you." Nick conjoled.

"Leave them alone, guys," Blaine said. "They said they'd tell us after the assignment is over, unless someone guesses. So unless you have any guesses, just be patient.

"Fine, we'll wait. I just want you guys to know that you can talk to us about anything. We care about you."

"Thanks, Wes." Kurt smiled.

"Come on, let's hurry and finish eating. The School board meeting starts in 90 minutes and I want to go over my speech one more time." David said.

...

"All in favor of the student's proposal for an alcohol awareness week? Very good, motion passes with a unanimous vote. Thank you, gentlemen. Now for our last order of business..."

The boys all smiled and congratulated each other as they left the meeting, returning to the dorms. Kurt smiled at Chris as they passed in the hall. "We got permission to do the alcohol awareness week. It's going to be the first week back after spring break. There will be seminars on teen drinking, alcoholism, and the correlation between drinking and domestic violence. Parents are invited to attend," he told the taller boy.

Chris smiled in return. "Thanks, Kurt."

...

Wednesday morning, the boys filed in to Psychology, and surprisingly, many of them were disappointed not to have the Jar of Secrets to look forward to. As scary as a few of the secrets had been, they were encouraged by the positive responses to what had been revealed so far, and some of them who were initially afraid for their secrets to be read now were waiting anxiously to see what their fellow student would say about them.

Ms. Landis called the class to order and instructed the boys to read chapter twenty two, and informed them that they would discuss it after twenty minutes had passed.

By the end of class, they had learned the signs of PTSD, which victims of abuse often suffered from. They also discussed how to report their suspicions and to whom. It was reiterated that the person in question should seek counseling through the local mental health clinic.

They all looked forward to the next day. Well, all but one of them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be a little shorter, but it's rated T, no trigger warnings.

Kurt yawned as he he took his seat the next day. He'd had to stay up late to finish the English essay he hadn't done Tuesday night because of the school board meeting. He noticed he wasn't the only one yawning this morning. William was gulping down the last of his coffee before class started, and a boy who's name Kurt hadn't yet learned seemed to be a walking zombie this morning.

Blaine entered just as the bell rang, looking slightly sheepish at Ms. Rigoli as he muttered that his alarm hadn't gone off that morning. She smiled at him, and waited for him to take his seat before addressing the class.

"Good morning. I got the last permission slip back this morning, so we are all set for the trip to Columbus tomorrow morning. Dress casually, and bring a change of clothes in case they want to do more than one sitting with you. Lunch will be provided, but you may bring snacks and drinks for the trip there and back. Obviously since we won't be in class, there will be no Jar of Secrets tomorrow, so why don't we see what we come up with today, Shall we?"

I recently learned that I was adopted. My biological mother died of natural causes soon after I was born, and my father couldn't care for me.

Blaine raised his hand to speak. "It's interesting that this came up. Kurt and I were just talking about adoption the other day. Some people in society see adoption as a stigma, but for many people who can't have children naturally, adoption is a way for them to have the family they want so badly, and for people like us, it's one of only two options if we want a family of our own. Being adopted isn't a bad thing. It means that someone saw you and how special you are and CHOSE you to be a part of their family. Just because you may not share DNA with them, doesn't mean you are any less a part of their family."

The rest of the class all agreed with this, and no one else could find anything else to say on the matter.

"Ok, Shall I draw another paper then?" Her question was answered with an overwhelming chorus of yes from the boys.

I was born with only four toes on my right foot and three on the left.

"I think this could go back to our conversation last week about physical appearances," Kurt offered up. "We all need to find the beauty inside of, and not worry too much about what shows on the outside."

"Agreed," William replied. "People who are born with physical defects can't help the way they are. Granted, many of them can be at least corrected with surgery, but why should they have to, unless it affects their health or their ability to live their lives the way they want to? I think this person should embrace their uniqueness tomorrow for the photo shoot."

There was another round of approval. The rest of the class was spent discussing what each person wanted to show the world about themselves, and how to go about it.

...

Friday morning dawned bright and clear, and the boys who were traveling to Columbus gathered in the foyer after breakfast. Most of them carried cups of coffee, as well as a bag with a change of outfits and snacks for later. Kurt had two garment bags, and his messenger bag held his hair products. The other boys teased him good naturedly. Of course a couple of those boys would be glad that Kurt had come so well prepared, and offer sheepish apologies when they asked him if they could borrow some hair spray or mousse to fix their suddenly flat hair.

When they reached the convention center where the sign in for the event was, each boy was asked to fill out a questionnaire, and then given a number. They were called back in groups of two to six. Blaine, Kurt, Wes, David, Jeff and Nick all went back together and did a few group shots, and then Blaine and Kurt were asked to pose together when the photographer learned they were a couple. She also asked if Kurt would be willing to stay and do some individual shots, along with David and Wes.

They all agreed, and were showed to an area where they could change outfits for the next round of photographs. Kurt and David shared a dressing room. They kept their backs turned respectfully. When they finished, David turned to Kurt and laughed.

"Oh my god, Kurt, where did you get that shirt? Blaine is going to go Gaga when he sees you!"

Kurt smiled and looked down at the white Tshirt that he wore over a pair of tight black jeans. The words 'LIKES BOYS' stood out in bold black lettering.

"I made it myself. I thought I'd make a statement if I got the chance."

Kurt looked David over. This was the first time he'd seen the dark skinned boy out of uniform. He wore black jeans in a slightly more relaxed cut than Kurt's, with a hunter green V neck tee that accentuated his slim build.

"You look pretty good yourself. No one would ever guess that you ever had an eating disorder."

David stared at him in shock for a moment. "How did you figure it out?"

Kurt shrugged. "I'm pretty observant. I notice that when you eat, you take small bites, and you chew very carefully, and sometimes I can tell that it takes you two or three tries to swallow somethings. It's alright you know. People often worry that I have an eating disorder. It's been mentioned to me on several occasions, so I did some research and talked to my doctor. He told me that I don't have a disorder, that the diet I follow is actually a very healthy one, and that it was very responsible of me to do my research. I'm very glad that you are getting better, and if you ever want to talk about it, you know I'll be there for you."

The other boy smiled. "Thanks, Kurt."

The rest of the morning went by quickly. Kurt's Tshirt was a hit with the rest of the Dalton boys, and with the photographer, who gave Kurt her card and asked him to call her if would be interested in posing for a couple of other magazine shoots she was working on, including one for Out Magazine.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated T.

The zombie was back. Kurt tried to think of the boy's name, he was sure he'd heard someone mention it before. Was it Ian? No, wait, that's Ian in the back corner with the mass of red curls and bright green eyes. Why couldn't he remember the guy's name?

He tried not to stare at the boy as he thought, but couldn't help noticing the blue eyes never seemed to make contact with anyone in the room. And what was up with the fidgeting? The Boy's hands kept moving over his shirt, then tugging at his pants. This morning the straight brown hair was sticking out at odd angles, as if he had been tugging on it. Come to think of it, his hair often looked like that.

Liam, that was his name. The name had suddenly popped into his mind as he recalled the first time he had seen the boy three months ago. It had been his second day at Dalton. Kurt had taken a wrong turn on his way to his English class and had seen Liam sitting on the floor outside a classroom rocking back and forth. A woman Kurt had recognized as the nurse was kneeling beside him, talking softly.

He walked past, glancing at the two but not staring, as he was already late to class. The Nurse had smiled up at him as he passed, and Kurt had smiled in return. He'd heard her speak to the kid.

"Do you feel better now, Liam?"

The boy's reply had been to soft for him to hear as he finally found the correct classroom.

Kurt's thoughts were interrupted by the teacher.

"Good morning, I hope you all had a pleasant weekend. For those of you who attended the photo shoot on Friday, I've been informed that pictures will be posted by the end of next week. I'll put up the URL later so you can all check them out." She moved to the Jar on the pedestal. "Are we ready to begin week three of The Jar of Secrets?"

I'm on the spectrum. Some days it is really hard for me to deal with the sensory input. My dad wanted me to go to a school for special needs kids, but I wanted to come here, to try and have a normal education.

William raised his hand. "What is the spectrum?" He asked, confused.

Ms. Rigoli smiled. "Would anyone like to offer a guess?"

Both Kurt and Blaine, along with one other boy, raised their hands. "Yes, Mr. Anderson?"

"I think they mean the Autism spectrum."

"Very good. Mr. Clarkson, can you tell us what the Autism spectrum is?" She asked the other boy who had raised his hand.

"Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD, is the collective term for various mental and behavioral disorders that affect one in sixty-six people, and range in severity. People on the higher end of the spectrum are usually called High Functioning Autistics, and can usually live fairly normal lives. Those on the lower end of the spectrum are generally unable to take care of themselves. My cousin is in the middle. She's classified as severe non-verbal ASD."

Kurt raised his hand again. "One of the guys that works at my Dad's garage is High functioning. Ninety-nine percent of the time he's fine, but every once in a while he will have an incident, or meltdown as he calls them."

Kurt watched Liam out of the corner of his eye. That explained so much.

"What causes it?" David asked.

Ms. Rigoli also glanced at Liam, who had stiffened up since the paper had been read. "No one knows for sure yet. Studies show that there are multiple variables that contribute to it. Genetics, environment, contaminants, all have been linked to it. Research is on going."

Charlie Clarkson raised his hand again. "Up until a few years ago, the majority of those diagnosed were male, but the number of females diagnosed now is on the rise. Some people think that is because the definition has evolved over the years, and that people who wouldn't have been diagnosed under the old definition now are. That's also why the statistic jumped dramatically from one in a hundred and ten people to one in sixty-six in less than five years. A lot of people who used to be diagnosed with ADHD are now being re-classed as high functioning ASD."

"You seem to know a lot on the subject, Mr. Clarkson."

He blushed. "As I said, my cousin is on the spectrum. One day I plan on joining those medical professionals who are research it."

"What did you mean when you said your cousin is non-verbal?" David asked.

"That is a bit of a misnomer, actually. Non verbal means that she can't talk, but that's not completely true. She does have a severely limited vocabulary. She's learning some signs to help her communicate. She also uses images, pictures of items or activities, to help her express herself." He laughed a little. "Her speaking voice is so cute. More vocalization than verbalization, really. I love it when she tries to say 'cracker' and it comes out 'kerker.'"

"There is a meme on one of the Autism forums that states "If you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism," Blaine said. "No two people on the spectrum are exactly alike, although there are some commonalities between them. Most people on the spectrum, regardless of how far up or down the scale they are, can not make eye contact with other people. Most of them are over sensitized to sound or texture. Many of them are picky eaters. They also tend to have repetitive actions, such as rocking or hand movements that they use as counter stimulants."

"More recent studies show that music and calm lighting can also help them distract themselves from over stimulation." Kurt supplied. "Eric, the guy who works for my dad, has special earphones he uses when things get too rowdy or busy at the garage."

Rigoli beamed at her students. "April is Autism awareness month. Perhaps we could put together a small presentation for the rest of the school, since you all seem to know so much about it."

There was enthusiastic agreement. Liam raised his hand hesitantly. It was the first time Kurt had seen him contribute anything to the class. "I might be able to talk to them about it?" His voice was very soft, barely audible.

"I think that would be a good idea, Liam. If you think you want to."

He smiled, not looking at anyone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

Have you told anyone else yet? - Mercy

Kurt read the text message Monday night as he was getting ready for bed.

No. I told the others that unless they guessed, I wasn't going to talk about it till after the last secret was read. - Kurt

Not even Blaine? He is your boyfriend now. - Mercy

Especially not him. I'm scared how he is going to react. - Kurt

He'll understand. It won't make him like you any less. - Mercy

What if it does? - Kurt

Then it's his loss. You deserve better. But I saw the way he looked at you. He loves you. Have Courage. - Mercy

...

Tuesday morning Kurt sat at the breakfast table with Blaine, Wes, David, Jeff, Nick, That and Trent. Kurt was unusually silent as the others joked among themselves.

"What's wrong, Kurt?" Blaine asked.

"Just thinking about a text Mercedes sent me last night. It's nothing. We'll talk about it later. So, David, are you going to keep your promise?"

The other's looked between the two boys. David looked at him for a moment, then nodded his understanding. "I did say if someone guessed I would tell my secret."

"Wait, Kurt figured it out?" Wes asked.

David nodded again. "I'm not sure how long he's known, but Friday at the photo shoot he revealed to me that he knew."

"Well, what is it?" Thad asked, curious.

The dark skinned boy drew a deep breath, and looked at his best friend Wes. "When I was younger, I spent two years in a hospital being treated for bulimia and anorexia. I almost died three times."

"What? You never told me that! Are you Ok now?" The thin Asian boy looked his best friend over carefully.

"Now and then I still have problems eating, but I'm much better than I used to be. And I never told anyone because I didn't want anyone to know how weak I was."

"You're not weak! You are so strong and so courageous!" The two friends hugged. Jeff, Nick, Thad and Trent and Blaine all joined in.

Courage, Kurt thought. There is that word again. I'm not courageous. I ran away from Kurofsky. I never told anyone what he did to me. And I'm still hiding the truth from these boys. I should tell them.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound would come out.

"Well, it's time to get to class. See you three later." David said, smiling at the three warblers not in Psychology this period.

As the took their seats, Kurt was lost in thought, so didn't notice the look the other boys were giving their teacher until he heard Blaine whisper softly beside him. "I wonder what's wrong with her?"

Kurt glanced at him first, then at the front of the room where Ms. Rigoli stood, looking paler than usual, and more tired. She smiled out at the class, noting the looks the boys were giving her.

"Good morning. I know, I look like death warmed over. I'm fine, boys. Just had trouble sleeping last night. I appreciate the concerned looks you all are giving me, but it's nothing to worry about. Now, let's get to today's slip of paper.

My parents died last year. No one at the school knows about it except the Headmaster. I've been caring for my two younger siblings ever since, with the help of my Grandma. When I turn eighteen I want to petition for full custody of them.

Kurt was the first to speak. "I know how hard it is to lose a parent. My Mom died when I was eight. And then my Dad almost died a few months ago, just a few weeks before I came here. I was terrified of losing him. I can't imagine what you are going through now trying to take care of two younger kids while still being a kid yourself. My friend Sam helps to take care of his younger brother and sister while his parents work to support them. I know it's not exactly the same situation, they still have parents to watch over them, but I know Sam takes on so much responsibility, sometimes he needs a break. I happen to know several excellent babysitters who would be more than willing to help you out. All you have to do is ask."

Several of the other boys also offered any assistance needed to the anonymous person.

Just before the class ended, Ms. Rigoli cleared her throat. "I almost forgot, regionals is this weekend for our Warblers! Good luck, boys!"

Blaine, Kurt, David and Jeff all smiled shyly as the class applauded for them.

"Also, the URL for the pictures from last week is on the board. Next week is spring break. Alcohol awareness week will be the week following that, so Blaine and Jeff, your banners and posters should be finished over the break. We only have a few slips of paper left in our Jar of Secrets, we should be able to finish them this week, I think."

...

"I couldn't do it, Mercedes. I couldn't tell them. Not yet. The assignment is almost over, and none of them have even tried to guess. Am I coward if I wait until Friday when the last secret has been revealed?"

"No, Kurt, you're not a coward. You're one of the bravest boys I know. When the time is right, you'll tell them."

"Thanks, Mercedes. I needed to hear that. I love you."

"Love you too, white boy."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for language, with Trigger Warnings for attempted suicide.

There were only three days left of the assignment, Kurt realized. Three days was long enough for him to find the courage to tell the others the truth. What would they think of him when they found out? It's one thing to say something nice and positive in class, when they don't know who they are addressing. But when they learn who it is, will they still feel the same way?

"Good morning, class. Let's get right into our Jar, shall we?"

At the beginning of my sophomore year, I tried to kill myself. I failed, obviously. I'd gone into the woods near my house with a length of rope and tried to hang myself from a tree, but the limb broke as soon as my weight pulled on it. All I managed to to do was sprain my ankle.

I thought about trying again, but then I made a friend at school, and for a while things seemed to get better. I had a small group of friends, and I thought everything was going to turn out good. But then things started going wrong again, and none of my friends seemed to notice. Things got even worse my junior year. I started thinking about dying again.

Once more meeting someone stopped me. Someone actually seemed to notice me, to understand what I was going through, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up this time. As little as a few weeks ago I thought about trying again to kill myself.

Several boys ended up crying quietly as the secret was read, including Blaine and Jeff.

"Well," Blaine began, wiping a tear from his eye. "First of, who ever this is, please know that you are loved. I don't know what your story is, why you considered this, but you have to have the courage to hold on. There are people who love you and will be here for you. Please, if you have these thoughts again, talk to someone. You can come talk to me, or you can call the crisis line or the suicide prevention line. There's also the Trevor Project and various other organizations set up to help. Please, just think and talk to someone before you do anything rash."

The other boys all agreed, several even offered to post their phone numbers on the bulletin board in the foyer so that anyone who needed someone to talk to could call them when ever they want, for any reason.

...

Later that night, the boy sat alone in the Library, pretending to be reading, but all he could think about was that his secret had finally been revealed. Had anyone figured out who he was?

...

Blaine smiled at his boyfriend as Kurt went over his French essay and found a few incorrectly conjugated verbs. "There. Just correct those few verbs and this will be ready for you to turn in tomorrow."

"Thanks Kurt. You're awesome." He leaned in and kissed the pale boy, who hummed in appreciation and deepened the kiss.

"You're the awesome one, Blaine."

"No, I'm not. I'm just some dopey guy who is mostly oblivious, and has trouble expressing my emotions."

"You express your emotions very well, I think. That speech you gave in class today was very emotional."

"Thank you. I just hope that who ever they are, they can learn to love themselves enough to see how perfect and beautiful they are."

"I think they are probably starting to realize that."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated T.

The sound of thunder greeted the students Thursday morning as they entered the dining hall for breakfast. Kurt took his tray and sat at a table near the window. Blaine, Jeff, Nick, Wes, and David joined him a few minutes later, but Kurt didn't seem to notice, watching the storm outside, ignoring his food.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged, still staring out the window. "Nothing. I just love watching the rain. It's soothing."

After a few more moments he turned and looked at the other boys. Nick, David and Wes were going over the set list for Saturday, while Jeff was concentrating on something in a notebook. Kurt figured he was studying for some class later in the day.

Blaine was watching Kurt, wondering why he seemed to be in a strange mood today. "Are you sure you're Okay?" He whispered.

Kurt sighed. "When I woke up this morning I almost forgot what today's date was."

Blaine looked confused. "What's significant about the date?"

"My mom died nine years ago. Today."

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I didn't know that. Do you want to skip class and go see your dad? I could let the teachers know and get your assignments for you."

"No, I'll be fine. I just couldn't believe I almost forgot."

Blaine took his hand and squeezed it, smiling at him. "I'm sure she's watching over you from somewhere, and I'm sure she's proud of you. Have you ever heard the song 'Holes in the Floor of Heaven?'"

Kurt smiled and nodded. He didn't normally listen to country music, but he'd heard that song a few times since his mother's passing, and it always made him think of her.

"Come on, you should eat something. We need to get to class soon. Unless you change your mind and want to take a sick day."

Kurt just smiled and kissed him on the cheek and started eating.

...

"Good morning, everyone. Let's get started right away."

I had an identical twin, but as we started getting older, one of us decided we were transgender. My twin sister goes to Crawford Country Day. No one knows about us but our family members. We were worried about not being accepted for who we are.

Jeff was the first to raise his hand after the secret was read. He hadn't talked much in class since they had started this assignment. "Well, they didn't indicate whether they were the trans person or if their twin was, but either way, it must be even more confusing discovering your gender identity as it is to discover your sexual orientation. I wonder if it's as confusing for the sibling, too, especially since you are twins? I have cousins who are identical twins, and sometimes watching them together is kind of eerie, it's like they can read each other's minds.

Anyway, you know none of us here will judge you or your sister. Did you know there is actually a transgender choir here in Ohio? I'm sure that you can find some support groups on line. Google is awesome, sometimes."

"People are always joking about Dalton being a gay school," David said. "While we know that's not true, I like to think of it as a rainbow school. One where everyone is accepted for who they are, regardless. We have boys here from every race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, and gender identity. We all support each other, no matter what. This assignment has proven that."

As the class came to an end, and the boys were filing out, Kurt noticed Jeff was studying his notebook again, and frowning as he looked over at the jar. There was still one slip of paper in it. Jeff looked back at his notebook, confusion on his face. Kurt would have asked what was wrong, but he was swept along with the flow of the other boys leaving the room.

...

"I love you too, Dad. Yeah, I'll see you Saturday after regionals. I know, I miss her too. Thank you for remembering to bring her sunflowers for me! Yeah, bye." Kurt hung up his phone, and sat there staring at it for a minute.

"You okay?" Blaine asked, reaching out to take his hand.

"Yeah. Dad and Carole want you to come to dinner with us after Regionals."

"Sounds good. Speaking of dinner, you ready to go down to the dining hall?"

Kurt nodded and stood up, stretching his arms out.

The storm continued to rage outside as they made their way down the stairs, talking about the upcoming competition. After collecting their meals, they joined Jeff, who was sitting by himself, studying the same notebook from earlier.

"What are you working on, Jeff?" Kurt asked.

Jeff glanced up and smiled shyly. "Nothing, just trying to solve a mystery." He said, putting away the notebook.

"Mystery?" Blaine asked.

"Never mind, it's nothing. How did you do on that quiz today in calculus?"

"I'm pretty sure I aced it," Blaine smiled, "and way to change the subject there. Okay, I won't ask about your mystery if you promise to let me know if you solve it, or I'll die of curiosity."

"Deal." They began talking about Regionals again, and were talking about it when Wes and David joined them, followed a short time later by Nick. The six boys decided to meet back in Wes and David's dorm after they ate for a movie night, as none of them had any homework that evening.

Kurt fell asleep halfway through the movie, his head in Blaine's lap. At first the other boys were too engrossed in the movie to notice the moan coming from Kurt. It wasn't until he began to thrash and Blaine called his name that the other realized something was wrong.

"NO!" Kurt screamed and threw himself out of Blaine's lap, suddenly wide awake and looking around in confusion, unable to recognize where he was at first. The other boys watched him warily as his breathing slowly calmed and the confusion slowly cleared from his eyes. "I'm s-sorry. Bad dream."

"Are you okay?" Blaine looked worriedly at him.

"Yeah, I'm – I'll be fine. It's just, you know, the date, and everything. It's not the first time I've had nightmares about it."

Blaine pulled him closer, hugging him tightly. "It's okay, babe. I understand."

Wes gave him a quizzical look, but Blaine just mouthed 'later." Wes had been preoccupied that morning when Kurt had told Blaine about the significance of that day's date. "Come on, Kurt, you're exhausted. Let's get you back to your room."

Kurt nodded and stood slowly trying to inconspicuously wipe his eyes.

Blaine walked him back to his dorm, and waited for him to get ready for bed, then sat beside him as he climbed in between the sheets. He leaned down and kissed the pale skinned boy softly on the forehead.

"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"Please?"

"Of course. Close your eyes." He began to hum the Mocking Bird song as Kurt snuggled in beside him. After a couple minutes, he began to sing softly.

Hush little baby, don't say a word

papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird

if that mocking bird don't sing,

papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring

if that diamond ring don't shine,

papa's gonna buy you a silver mine

if that silver mine don't bring forth,

papa's gonna buy you a rocking horse

if that rocking horse don't ride,

papa's gonna stay right buy your side.

 

Kurt sighed softly, eyes closed still. "My mom used to sing me that when I was little, only she sand mamma instead of papa."

Blaine smiled. "Well, I could sing it again, and sing mamma instead."

Kurt smiled weakly. "No, it's okay. I liked the way you sang it. Thank you, by the way."

"For what?"

"For being here."

"I don't mind. I like being here for you. Go to sleep now."

"Good night, Blaine." He murmured, already half asleep.

"Good night, Kurt."

...

"So, last day before spring break, and last slip of paper. Are we ready?"

I'm dying. The doctors say it won't be long now. Maybe a couple of months, maybe just a few weeks. I'm not afraid, but I worry about those I am going to leave behind. I don't want them to be sad for me.

Stunned silence followed the reading. The boys glanced around at each other in shock, wondering which of them it is. Kyle slowly raised his hand. "There are many legends among Native American tribes about death and dying. My Favorite one says that when someone dies, they become a bird and fly to the Great Spirit. Death is just the next step on the journey. Not the end."

Kurt smiled at the other boy. "I like that. I'm not religious. I don't believe in God, but I like to think my Mom is out there somewhere, watching over me."

Blaine reached over and squeezed his shoulder. Dave and Jeff, who were seated beside and behind him, respectively, both reached out to pat his back.

"Life is short. We all should celebrate each day. Live like every moment is our last." Blaine said.

"Like the song." David replied, and surprisingly started singing.

He said, "I was in my early forties with a lot of life before me  
When a moment came that stopped me on a dime  
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays  
Talking 'bout the options and talking 'bout sweet times"

I asked him when it sank in  
That this might really be the real end  
"How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?  
Man, what'd ya do?" He said

"I went skydiving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing  
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu  
And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter  
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'"

And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance  
To live like you were dyin'"

He said, "I was finally the husband that most the time I wasn't  
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have"  
And all of a sudden goin' fishin' wasn't such an imposition  
And I went three times that year I lost my dad"

"Well I, I finally read the good book  
And I took a good, long hard look  
At what I'd do if I could do it all again

And then"

"I went skydiving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing  
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu  
And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter  
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'"

And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance  
To live like you were dyin'"

"Skydiving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing  
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu  
And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter  
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'"

And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance  
To live like you were dyin'"

To live like you were dyin'  
To live like you were dyin'  
To live like you were dyin'  
To live like you were dyin'

"Wow, David, that was beautiful," Ms. Rigoli smiled, wiping tears from her eyes. She hugged him, and all the boys joined in one massive group hug.

When the bell rang a short time later, Kurt noticed Jeff hurriedly scribbling something down in his notebook.

...

"Hey, Blaine, can I talk to you in private for a minute?" Jeff asked as he was about to knock on Kurt's door.

"Um, sure. What is it?"

"Come down to my room first, I don't want to talk about this in the hallway."

"Okay."

A couple minutes later he was sitting on Jeff's bed, and the blonde boy was slipping a notebook in to Blaine's hands.

"What is this?"

"The mystery I was trying to figure out. I still haven't figured all of it out yet, but the conclusions I have reached so far are a little disturbing."

He opened the notebook and handed it back to Blaine. Blaine studied the writing there, not exactly sure what it meant. The the page was split into two sections by a vertical line down the center. On the left it read:

Jeff-Gay

Blaine-Emotions

David-Eating disorder

Kyle-abortion

Chris-domestic violence, alcohol

Liam-Autism

William-Custody

Ian-Toes

Kurt-?

Charlie-?

Patrick-?

Daniel-?

On the right side of the page was listed:

Adopted

Molested

Suicide

Transgender

Dying

"I don't understand? What is this supposed to mean?"

"I was trying to figure out what Kurt's secret is, so I started writing down all the ones I knew for sure."

"How do you know that William is the one seeking custody of his siblings and Ian was the one with the birth defect?"

"I saw Ian's feet last Friday at the photo shoot, and I saw William and his Grandmother at the Mall on Saturday shopping for clothes for his little brothers. But don't you see what I am trying to show you?"

Blaine looked down at the lists again, and suddenly he DID see what had his friend worried. "I know Kurt wasn't adopted, and I'm almost positive he never had a twin or was trans gendered."

Blaine looked at the last three options, and swallowed hard. But then he noticed something else. "Wait, there are five secrets left, but only four boys listed. Did someone put in two secrets?"

"I don't know, but anyway you look at it, Kurt's secret is much more traumatic than I thought."

Blaine nodded. "We should talk to him. He said he'd tell us after the last secret was read. Should we get the others and go talk to him, or should it just be you and me?"

"Why don't we go ask him first, and see if he wants us to include everyone else?"

Blaine nodded, and they went back down the hall to Kurt's room. Blaine knocked softly.

The door opened a moment later, and Kurt just looked at the two boys standing there. Before either of them could speak, Kurt spoke. "My Dad is on his way. When he gets here, can you have him and all the Warblers meet us in the senior commons? The New Directions are coming too. I want to tell everyone at the same time."

"Of course, Kurt. I'll go tell Wes and David. They'll help get everyone else together." Jeff acknowledged, and walked away.

Blaine studied his boyfriend carefully. "Do you want me to wait with you?"

Kurt Hesitated, but then stepped back and let the younger boy enter. Once the door closed, Blaine hugged him tightly. "It's alright. No matter what you have to tell us, it won't change the way I feel about you. I care about you so much, Kurt. I'll understand."

The two stood there holding each other, Kurt silently weeping on Blaine's shoulder, until Kurt's phone signaled an incoming text Message.

...

The senior commons was crowded, even for a Friday night. All the Warblers, The New Directions, and most of the boys from Psychology class were there, along with Burt and Carole."

Kurt swallowed hard, looking from face to face, finally looking at Blaine, who stood beside him, holding his hand tightly.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, then began to talk...


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T, with trigger warnings for talk of sexual contact.

The crowd applauded loudly as the announcer proclaimed New Directions the winners. Kurt was sad that The Warblers wouldn't be going to Nationals, but he couldn't help being happy for his friends. He hugged Mercedes and Tina, and even Santana.

After he had told all of them his secret the night before, they had all gathered around him and cried while hugging him so tightly. It had been hard for him to relieve that awful day when he had been violated. He thought his Dad was going to go and track down the man who had dared to lay a hand on his precious boy. Kurt had to reassure him repeatedly that the man was already dead. He had died in prison while awaiting trial for his other crimes.

It was Carole, a nurse, who thought to ask about whether Kurt had gotten checked out by a doctor. Kurt had assured her that that hadn't been necessary. The man hadn't gone that far. He had only touched Kurt, and forced Kurt to touch him.

Kurt had to promise to speak to a counselor, but assured his Dad that he would be fine. "I had you, Dad. After I got over the shock of what had happened, I knew you wouldn't let anything else happen to me after that. I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to upset you. It wasn't long after Mom had died, and you were just starting to be your old self again, and I didn't want to ruin that for you."

Burt had held him for a long time after that, Both crying while whispering to the other that everything was going to be alright.

...

Dinner started off somber Saturday night, but Kurt had had enough by the time the main course was served.

"Okay, that's it. If someone doesn't smile or laugh in the next minute, I am going to scream. It's over. It's in the past. I've come to terms with it, and you all need to, too. So, someone start talking about something fun, or I am going to go streaking through the parking lot."

There was a stunned silence. And then Finn started laughing. "What? You know he'd go though with it."

After another moment, Burt laughed as well. After that the conversation turned to the New Directions and what they might perform in New York for Nationals, and teasing Finn about rotating girlfriends.

...

Spring break went by too fast. On Sunday, William brought his little brothers over to David's house, where they were introduced to Sam and his little brother and sister. The Warblers and New Directions were there, as well. David's Dad barbecued burgers and smoked sausages on the grill, and everyone mingled around the pool.

Monday, Kurt ran into Daniel outside the mental health clinic in Westerville. The two boys talked for a long time, after Daniel confessed that he was the one who had tried to commit suicide. Kurt gave the other boy his phone number and told him that he could call, day or night, if he felt lost again.

On Tuesday, Kurt and Blaine ran into Kyle and his Mom at the mall. Kurt was looking for a Birthday present for Carole, and had insisted that Mrs. Tencrows try on a blouse that Kurt thought would look absolutely fabulous on her. She smiled as she admired herself in the mirror, and Kyle insisted that she HAD to buy it.

Later, Kurt and Blaine stopped at the Lime Bean for Coffee. There, they were introduced to Patrick's parents, after having literally bumped into him in the parking lot. Kurt smiled at the boy, and whispered to him that he was lucky, these amazing people had chosen him out of all the kids they could have adopted. Patrick smiled, and agreed.

Wednesday Kurt met Charlie and his twin sister, Mandi at the park while waiting for Finn and Rachel. Mandi smiled sweetly at him, and teased her twin. "Charlie USED to be short for Charlotte, you know. But when we were little I couldn't pronounce it, so I shortened it to Charlie. Of course, when he decided he was supposed to be a boy, it made more sense."

Kurt laughed and talked with them until his step brother arrived with his apparently on again girlfriend, Rachel.

Thursday, Kurt, Blaine, David and Jeff went to a movie, where they ran into Chris. They talked about the Jar of Secrets for a while as they waited for the movie to start. It was Chris who asked the obvious question. "Who do you think the extra secret belonged to?"

Friday and Saturday were spent lazing around the Hummel-Hudson home. Blaine, Kurt, and Finn watched videos, played games, and just talked.

Monday morning, The boys were all in a good mood as they filed into Psychology class, laughing and joking, wondering what the new assignment would be now that the Jar of Secrets was finished.

As the bell rang and the boys took their seats, Ms. Landis entered, and called the class to order.

"I'm sorry, I have some sad news for you this morning. Ms. Rigoli passed away in her sleep on Friday night. She had been battling ovarian cancer for a few months now, but her heart just wasn't strong enough for the medications she was taking."

The boys looked at one another in silence, No one knew what to say for the longest time. Then Kurt noticed the yellow bird on the window sill. He touched Blaine's shoulder and silently pointed it out to him. One by one the boys became aware of the tiny bird. Once every eye was on it, it began to sing a sweet melody, and then flew away.

The End.


End file.
